Depressed LeBron James Realizes That At His Age Copernicus Was Developing Theory Of Heliocentrism

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LOS ANGELES—Experiencing an existential crisis after comparing accomplishments, a depressed LeBron James, 34, realized Monday that at his age Nicolaus Copernicus was already developing his groundbreaking theory of heliocentrism. “Jesus, all my life up to this point has just been playing basketball, when in his early 30s, Copernicus was already starting to lay the foundation that the sun, not the Earth, was the center of our solar system,” said James, explaining that winning three championships and becoming a four-time lea

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